am i not good enough?

how many times will it take for me to get it right?

last sem's result proved me wrong.

i thought i could easily excel my studies.

i did my assignments and handed in on time, revised the subjects before every tests and exams.

but all of that doesnt seem enough.my cgpa dropped like hell.

and with two of the subjects' results out now,i have a feeling my result won't be as good as expected.

why is this happening? am i not good enough?

its like no matter how hard i try my grades just keep dropping and it disappointed me each n every time i check on my result.

i used to be anticipating for my result to be released.but not anymore, i am reluctant to know how i did for almost every subject

=(

I'm all about your heart

I miss you
more than words can say
:(

Unreadable Minds

Lately I've been having much thoughts on my mind.
how does one really adapt to the surroundings and environment around them?
Two years into staying outside with friends instead of family,I've learned so much about getting along with people.
It's just a matter of time really.until you figure out a person from head to toe.
from the way she eats to the way she sleep.and also to the extent of the way she bath.haha
sometimes i get kinda uncomfortable living under one roof with someone who isn't your family.
there isn't much privacy left and i feel so vulnerable and fragile.
the minute u let your guards down and leave your comfort zone is the minute u will get yourself hurt anytime.
it's not about the issue of trust or anything.but sometimes I'd rather keep everything to myself than to spill it all out to someone else.
to be frank,i am afraid of being judged by others.of the way i think and speak.
i know it's not appropriate to hold back and be someone I'm not.
but that's just how i communicate with people around me. i'd rather be someone i'm not than to say something offensive. =/
As I've mentioned before,i ought to be someone shy and quiet.i find it hard to think of topics to talk to someone. it's like i would run out of words to say so it's kinda difficult for me to hold a conversation for more than 15mins. sucks big time. which is why most of the time,i choose to travel alone. i would rather take the 3hrs bus alone than to have a friend sitting beside me.because by then i would have to think of something to talk about in order to decrease the awkwardness. I'm weird i know.

oh well,i think i'll probably improve myself by the time i start working.the drama really starts by then.i'll have more things to mumble about and more thoughts running through my mind.
it's a Public Holiday tmr.heading out shopping with the housemates.hopefully i can grab something nice for CNY cause there isnt much time left for shopping!

XX

Aussie here i come

Dinner at Pavillion

YES IT IS OFFICIAL!
im flying to Aussie this coming Sept! wheee =D
its gona be so awesome cuz its a 9days trip with the bunch.traveling overseas without my parents for the 2nd time after Spore.=)


been camwhoring so much with the new DSLR
and i am hooked on Photoscape.the edits are so much nicer.
it makes the ori photo alot like those taken by Lomo =)
these are some of the photos taken at home and edited with Photoscape.
not bad eh?






classes have started like usual. idk why but i feel like i dont belong here anymore.
everything just doesnt feel right.=/
i am so eager to head home every weekend despite the fact that my class ends at 5pm on Friday.
how pathetic is that.i've been hoping and hoping so much that the 3pm class on Friday can be changed to other time of the week.well,atleast i can head home after 12pm on Fri.
T.T
looks like my wish isnt gona come true anyway.oh screw it.
on a brighter side,CNY is coming real soon like less than 2 weeks time.
YAY! =D

candid shot in Genting

there comes a time when i start to miss the old days so much.
its so overwhelming that i feel like crawling in bed and cry myself to sleep at night.
the other day i was traveling from home back to uni.i was sitting in the bus when a group of high school students came up.i just sat there listening to them complaining about their homework and gossiping about their friends.u know,typical high school students.
it struck me how i used to be like that few years ago.
where there were so much freedom in my life.and things used to be so simple and easy.even if things go wrong at school,i would still have someone to listen to me at home. i can just run back and rant to my mum.
but now,i have no one to run to when i'm having the shittiest day ever.
even though it's just a phone call away but it's nothing compared to having someone to hold and comfort u whenever u're in need. SIGH~




i should stop bitching about my life already.
sorry for spamming this post with photos.especially edited ones.
teehee =D
be back soon!

Revived

I hope everyday's a cloudy day

I am truly sorry for the lack of updates peeps.

almost 3 months! thts seriously the longest time i've abandoned my blog ever.

=((

loving my outfit.straw hats FTW :))

anyways,life have been good for me.

i'm on a 3 weeks study break actually.heading back to Johore on 22nd Nov for my finals.

truth is, i am currently on the 2nd week of study break now.i still have zero progression on my revision mission.OMG.how phail is that???

i hv zero motivation and will to get started on my revision.what to do lahhh

i realised i'm addicted to camwhoring

gosh,the more i blog about.the more i realise i've missed out

on so many updates!

thrs so many things i'd love to share but i dont think i can squeeze it all in a post.

nevermind that,i'll take my time.hehe

so the other day i was at my mum's fren's house on Deepavali Day.

and one of her frens started asking me bout whr i was studying yadayada

idk why but i felt so embarassed.i actually felt embarassed of telling people that i was studying at the local U.infact, an infamous one.

well,i should be frank bout this.

I SCREWED UP MY STPM AND I HV NO EXTRA CASH FOR COLLEGE THTS WHY I AM FREAKING STUCKED IN A LOUSY LOCAL UNI WHILE PEOPLE IS LEAVING THE COUNTRY AND WILL HAVE BETTER QUALIFICATIONS THAN ME FEW YEARS LATER.

thts my life.and thts the path i chose.

thrs no turning back and all.

what if i drop out of local U now and go for college?

is that possible? cause u know why?

i am freaking bored of it.when people ask me where am i st

udying and wat course i am doing now

i dont feel proud at all to tel them where exactly i am.

so sometimes it makes me wonder, why do we ( those

who did form 6) have to study our ass off to compete with the Matriculations just to secure a place in the goverment uni when our government uni itself is not even comparable to universities of a country which is just next door(Spore)?

movie with z parents :)

No seriously, i dont understand how people can say going for STPM can actually make one wiser and have more maturity.cuz its juz plain bull shit. it's a total waste of time.

i am a perfect example of this scenario. i flunked my STPM and see whr i am now when my besties are living a better life across the ocean,right down under.

sory bout the rants.but these are the things that are stucked in my mind till this very day.

I AM DEEPLY REGRETFUL for it.

and i do not wish to tel my parents that cuz i know they'd be extremely dissapointed in me.

for i was the one who have made the decision and they were there to support me all along.

i couldn't have asked for more.

Rojak SS15, seriously best rojak ever!

all in all,i am stuck in this mess.i am gona clean it all up!

imma start revising for my finals and hopefully a satisfying CGPA this sem :))

til then,

XOXO

=(

xx

untitled

The thing about life that I've learned is that you're going to get hurt. You're going to have emotional nights and cry yourself to sleep for hours. You're going to suffer some kind of loss. But you will also have those moments where you heal. Those moments are the best. You feel like you smile for the first time again. You feel like you're alive again. Life just kind of restarts.

i wish i could be braver

sometimes, i really wish i'd be less shy
some of you might not know me well,but deep down..i am a very shy person
i don't easily open up myself to people
hence sometimes, some people might think that i'm a quiet and inactive person
i don't quite talk to strangers.infact, i almost ran out of topics to say to someone i first knew every time i meet someone new.
why is it so hard? coming to university itself,i've learnt that i'm becoming a total different person
i'm changing into someone who doesn't like socializing.
i want to meet new friends so much but i just don't know the correct way to approach them
the other day when one of my lecturer whom i quite admire for his intellectual and interesting way of lecture, decided to hold up a opinion session.
we were given two sets of articles and we can raise our hands up to speak up,to tell the class what we think about the articles. and of course, bonus marks are given to students who volunteerily give out their opinions.
at that moment, i just had this sudden urge of voicing out. not for the sake of the bonus marks but i just wana share my ideas. i want to convince my lecturer that i do have my own judgement to issues. there weren't many people who volunteered, and i wanted to join the few that were brave enough to voice out.
i was so confident of the ideas generated but then i was stopped by my own shyness.
i was so afraid that people might not agree to what i was about to say.
i was so afraid that people might judge me based on the opinion i gave.
in the end, i decided not to raise up my hand. and let the golden opportunity slip away.
my mood was totally ruined. what a fool i am?!
common,i am someone from KL, not some small town girl who are afraid of voicing out.
i was so ashamed of myself. =(

time thts left

so as we all noe..

stpm's starting on 28th Oct 2008

i dunno whats the rush of the government 2 have made this decision

damn,its making every upper six students panic

im all stressed up

seriously i need a break

i shall take a long rest n recover my study mood after this hectic month

p.s: i miss mua babes =(

i miss u,mummy

tis is again,not another cheesy post
mum's safe..her operation was successful
but she had to stay in the hospital for a week
went 2 visit her n for the 1st time,i found that she's all alone
n i miss her so
stay tough mum.
we'll all be missing u throughout the entire weekdays
love u lots

7 仔

muackss

the 'whee~look at me,im cute' look

the 'i'm sad,hug me' look

i'm kinda emo this few days.
i bought 7仔 back from pasar mlm on thursday nite.
thanks to her,i'm feeling alot happier=)
just a look at her makes me wana smile.hehe

mum's getting a knee surgery and i'm worried
though it seems nothing biggie to her
sigh =(
a friend of mine lost his father this morning
he was a cancer patient before
my deepest condolence

current listening to: RyanDan's "Like the Sun"

nice lyrics:
God put us here on this carnival ride, we close our eyes never knowing where it'll take us next, Babies are born, and at the same time someone's taken at last breath.

emo-ing,
shirley

this isnt right

i was really really sad when CK broke the news to me
Heath Ledger is dead??!
wtf!
i didnt see tht coming.
i was stunned...
although i was never really a huge fan of his..
but i was indeed a fan of a couple of his movies.
Patriot,10things i hate about u,Casanova.
i'm gonna miss you =(

the other morning i was driving me n my sis 2 sch
and i had this Mark Schultz song playing on the stereo.
'Time That is Left' was the song
it touched me so much that i almost felt like crying
i then had the sudden urge to msg my 3 besties.
i didn't really contact them lately n i miss them badly
just a single message brightens up one's day.

i don't know wth was with bee today
he was acting really really weird
i cant' believe that he actually scolded CH in front of everyone
and all he did was just asking me about maths text -.-
sometimes i don't know if he's being over protective or not..
its just that,i don't like seeing him acting like a 2-yrs-old
but in the end,i just realized that i meant a lot to him.

anyways,
cant be long here..till then,ciao~

xSHirleyx

inspired

Ever wonder
if there's a world out there
somewhere where all of your wildest fantasies lie in?
the place where you could be as free-living as ever
with absolutely nothing to worry about?
where u can run around naked screaming on the top of your lungs
and no one seems to care a damn thing about it?
its always the time when it comes to us losing someone or something
that we loved
and to not realize how much it means to us
till we lose everything but tears.
Death always do us part.I fear death more than anything in this world.
when you're dead,you're soulless
and you no longer exist.
how much it hurts to lose touch with the ones we loved
so i tell myself to live life to the fullest,
try out everything,don't be afraid to
even if it takes up all of ur courage
remember,there's only once
One Chance One Life
there's no second chance nor turning back
Dont hate anyone
as you'll soon to realize
that they're just human living with the same rights as u
Learn to forgive
Treasure your family
Try your very best to show them how much u care for them everyday
Friends are like roses
they share your ugliest and most embarrassing secrets
However,true friends are to laugh about it
AND then keep it to themselves
You are who you are in front of your best friends
There's no need to pretend to be someone you're not
as true friends always understand
You are to be frank and loyal
Don't be selfish
cause you might not know how much that little help of yours
means to those in need.

guys,all of these thoughts..they just came through my mind all of a sudden after watching Bridge to Terabithia.
you can imagine how great the movie is already,do u?